beauty is a curse

All my life I've been called "beautiful" ... It's always "your beautiful" or "you've been blessed with beauty". Believe me... it isn't really a blessing. Sure it has its perks, but it's mostly a curse...

Examples (taken from my daily experiences):

I move to a new school, people (mostly guys) introduce themselves to me in a crowd. Some of them eventually laid back after introducing themselves, but the rest stuck to me and followed me around... and everyone keeps on telling me "your the luckiest girl alive" and/or "I wish I could be like you" it kinda makes me sick...

Maybe I'm lucky to be "gifted" with talents, maybe I'm not... People don't realize that their actually lucky to be given the gift of life...

All these girls paying thousands... maybe millions of dollars just to LOOK LIKE a super model or to look "more attractive"... What has gotten into the minds of people?! If I've learned anything in my 16 years of living... it's that people look beautiful just the way they are... I've learned to accept peoples differences. We don't change who we are just because someone disagrees with who we are...

SO we have flaws, but doesn't everyone have flaws?

I'm sorry for being so negative... I just need to let all of this out, and I can't do it at home, drawing my anger helps only a bit, so I'm trying all possibilities ..

here are 2 examples of what I drew when I was very emotional:

how cruel can you be?!?!

This is my first blog...
forgive me for being so dark... I can't help it. I can't express my feelings at home or anywhere else...

My family life isn't very glamorous.. I'm close to my mothers side, VERY close, but I'm not that close to my fathers side.. I'm not even close to his mother (My so called "Grandmother").

here's the deal with my so called "Grandmother":
She doesn't like my mom, but she takes it out on me... She thinks that the whole world revolves around her, she yells at waiters/waitresses for not understanding her, she complains about EVERY LITTLE THING that doesn't go her way, and she rants about how my mom isn't raising me correctly, and how she thinks my mom's a bitch... I've had enough of it! she's constantly telling me how to live my life, she wants me to grow up into something that SHE wants...

for example:
I want to be an Artist/Musician, but she wants me to be an accountant or a scientist or something that has a big pay.. We even fought over it...
This is one of the reasons why I don't visit or see her often. Another reason is because she wants us to visit, and when we DO visit we ALWAYS fight...

I ain't gonna write that long today... My mom advised me to start writing blogs, and I just wanna express myself.. I'll most probably write more in the following week, because I'm currently under Quarantine, I got an illness from my brother and the doctor says it's contagious, so I have to walk around with a mask and I'm not allowed to leave the house...